Disaster Movies Part III - Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus

Well this was the fourth movie about Disasters. I heard some good things with this book.. Check the links for more information...

imdb
Wiki

Well this last movie is from a company called The Asylum... This company basically grabs a blockbuster movie and turns into a mockbuster. They have a limited budget and most movies don't exceed one million dollars (that's what they say). The differences are at hand. I had already saw some of their movies and maybe this week and next week I will post a huge post with my slmi reviews...

The plot for this movie is this... There is a small sub documenting whales and such in the water. Above it there is a helicopter deploying an illegal sonar (to the army). Now what does this do? Well the whales go berserk and start colliding with a glaciar (before this we have see beautiful pictures of hammer sharks, seals and some animals that don't belong anywhere near a glaciar... it was a brief national geoghraphic thing... very cute). Now after hitting the glaciar it cracks and two animals leave it... The Giant Octupus and the Mega Shark. Intersting no? How do they got there in the first place? And after the the glaciar cracks they just leave... By this point I must say that the special effects sucked... (Movie-B in some degree). The only thing that was interesting was the girl.. and even her, well... not so hot.

After their release in Alaska the octupus attack a oil plataform in sea of japan. His tentacles were big enough to engulf the oil plataform... (how big is the oil platform). A whale is found in the beach with a big tooth... BIG TOOTH! That shark then does something amazing... It jumped out of water and grab an airplane...Now this is not a small plane..oh no... This is a big plane with a capacity of two hundred people mayhaps, so it must be two hundred meters? well this shark is even bigger.... and it jumps hundreds of meters through the air and knocks the airplane... Oh for the love of jesus and judas. Thats two big boys out there.

By the way she was fired because she had stole that sub for sightseeing...

Now she and another oceanographic says that the tooth belongs to a megalodon... that's interesting... of course I already knew that being a freak who knows things not common... and I also knows that they measure seventeen meters, not hundreds.

Well if this is to be a fictious movies with fictious animals let us do something even bigger. An ship attacks it. Not any ship a destroyer (it's around 280 meters, it was portraited by the Uss Misouri) and the darn shark sink it. Well the shark attacks them in the middle of the ship but the ship is attacking straight forward... Interesting know?

Then the navy "requests" their help (meanwhile a japanese ocenagraphic joins the two)... Interesting or not the army dude has a ponytail... eheh... Btw, why does the army in this low budgets movies don't have a hat? They never do...

Well they decide to help the guards but only if they try to catch them first... The japanese dude and the blonde oceanographic as they try to have sex in a closet they come to realize they should use pheromones. No nude scenes btw, not even a breast. Well they start their quest and another planes goes does. This one was one hundred meters and the tentacle was big enough to slap it...

Tell me that they are irresponsable.. Okay, they want to grab the shark. I understand is one of a kind. But they drawn it to the San Francisco Bay because of the low waters.. So what happens? Another war-ship is sink and the Golden Gate gets a little decoration with a romantic bite. And the ship is attacking with their main weapons near horizontal and the shots go near the shark. Well.. It's interesting the side effects. Remember those old ww2 movies where the airplanes were dodging flak? Wel it was the same but underwater.. Talk about coolness... Oh and the shark mouth just engulfs the ship...

Well what the army want is to try next nuclear weapons... Their lines are completly nosence.. "Thouands of lives just die in san francisco. Well the only thing he attack was the golden beach and it only took one part (interesting the rest the bridge stood without problem). Well I don't think a twenty or thirty meters of a bridge don't have thousands of people. Then the oceanographic says that the underwater nuclear weapons will provoke milions deaths (hmm how? if he wanted in the middle of pacific ocean?) and then he says that it will create tidal waves... Well USA has done that and no tidal wave that big... Well their tactc is what next? Well let them fight together...

I must say that by this time the movie had several deus-ex-machina situations... The ocean is so big that to them to meet would be astronomic but yet they did... and a big fight begins... Shark attacks american sub (the shark is several times bigger than the sub) but fails... Octupus attack the five subs and destroys four of them. Only the one with the main character is saved. DEM (Deus-Ex-Machina situation happens here), Then as the shark is closing in the sub the octupus attacks (DEM)... The shark attacks the sub and has it destroys but before the guy that had threat them, the girl and the oceanographic guy escapes (DEM)... The japanese sub appears and attacks the shark and the octupus grabs it... but don't destroys it... Well it has strenght to sink a oil platform or to grab a three hundred shark but not to destroy a small sub... (DEM). Then the monsters begin to fight yet again and this time the octupus wins (but what a price... it sinks into the depths with the shark on his clutches...) The oceanographic says... finnally they ended what they started 80 milions years ago... Well the first time the guy said that the shark had lived from 25 milions to 1.5 milions years ago (and I checked on wiki). And then the movies ends...

Btw, where did they get so many flasks with pheronomes? Kilos and kils (or liters?) of it...
Japanese sub crew that talks english.. odd

So, what I thought of the movie? Well I won't get back this hour and an half back. I didn't learn anything new. I only learn that this guys can't make good special effects. Everything was wrong. The moving of the shark and the octupus. The ships and the subs were weak and move in ways they would be destroyed if they did. The characters were weak and two dimensional. Well... Everything was weak.

I would rate it 1/10. And I give 1 for the trying... but if you keep trying like this I will end up giving 0/10. At least show us some boobs so I can give you a star or two...
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